Baba is shy. Why are you shy and why do you need it? What to do if a guy is shy
Many people adore shy girls. It seems to them that such creatures are incredibly feminine and are the very embodiment of tenderness. Is this really so? How does a girl feel when she cannot overcome her shyness? Find all the details below.
Concept
A shy girl is a person who feels uncomfortable in the presence of people she doesn't know well. The girl cannot normally quickly answer the questions asked to her, she will not look at the interlocutor, her gaze is most often fixed on the floor. Some people confuse shyness with coquetry. In cute girls, such character traits are manifested in the same way. For this reason, people find shy people charming. But in fact, life is very difficult for a person with low self-esteem. The girl cannot talk to a person she is interested in, sometimes it is even difficult for her to ask for directions from passers-by or ask for help in the store. The secretive nature does not allow a smart and pretty girl to make decent friends, since she cannot get to know each other first, and later she is uncomfortable to continue the acquaintance she had begun.
Symptoms
How can you spot a shy girl in a company? It's very simple. If you observe a shy person, you will notice that during a conversation her face turns red, sweating increases, and the girl tries to wipe her palms in some way. Trembling in the voice and knees betray lack of confidence in yourself and in your words. A low voice shows not only external stiffness, but also demonstrates internal clamps. The girl will take closed poses. She will psychologically put a barrier between herself and her interlocutor. Shy people may not answer the question posed to them, since they will be unsure of the reaction to the answer of others. But what people think is very important for girls with a similar disposition.
Causes
Why do some girls grow up to be lively dreamers or flirty, while others become shy? Girls are shaped by the environment and the people who raise them and are idols. Shyness is not an innate but an acquired quality. What are the reasons for its appearance?
- Self-doubt. A person who has low self-esteem will be afraid to voice their opinion and go against society. Sometimes girls who are too shy cannot realize themselves, because they are afraid of sidelong glances that their parents will throw at them.
- Fear. Every person is afraid of something. To overcome fear, you need to act. But shy people cannot find the strength in themselves to go somewhere. Therefore, they get used to go with the flow and become boring personalities.
- Fear of being misunderstood. A person always wants to know that they believe in him and love him. When there is no such confidence, inferiority complexes may begin to arise.
Character
Shy girls are always secretive. Their inner world is deep, but even the closest people cannot penetrate there. The girl protects her soul and does not let strangers go there. A modest person behaves quietly and inconspicuously. She does not participate in noisy games, she does not get into trouble. At school, girls of this type study well, and at home they always help their parents. Such persons have few close friends, since the very process of acquaintance and subsequent communication causes an unpleasant sensation. The comfort zone of shy people is too narrow. The girls do not risk marrying her, since it is too difficult for them to do it.
How do you know if a shy girl likes you? There is no need to wait for a miracle. The girl will never speak to the person she likes first. But if she really likes the person, she will not resist the contact. The girl will keep the conversation going, although she looks cold. If a shy person paid attention to you, then she definitely likes you. And if the girl will communicate with you every day, it means that she let you into the circle of the chosen people, and this is a direct sign that you are not indifferent.
pros
How do you know if a girl is shy or not? Look at her behavior and self-esteem. The more withdrawn a person is, the more shy he will be. What are the advantages of this quality? For the person himself - none. But for others - the mass. It is for this reason that shy people are loved. They are easy to control and manipulate. With a shy child, it is easier to go out into secular society, it is easier to handle him in the classroom. An adult shy person is easier to lead. Such a person will never express his opinion and will always obey.
Minuses
Effects
What is the fate of shy girls? The meaning of this question is important for every person who wants to achieve something. Shy people will not be able to fulfill their potential. Why? Because if you always obey others and do what others ask, you can lose yourself. You need to be able to defend your opinion and fight for your interests. Otherwise, there is a chance to live a boring life, marry an unloved person, go to an uninteresting job and raise unloved children. Does this prospect seem too gray? Then you need to deal with what the environment and the teacher laid in the character.
How to change character
What should a shy girl do to overcome herself and become more confident and decisive? You need to step out of your comfort zone from time to time. First you need to do this once a week. How? You need to do the things that cause fear. A girl can approach her peer and get to know him, or she can express her opinion in the company of classmates and try to argue for it. At home, a shy person should show her parents that she is a living person, and not a machine for doing household errands. Any creative manifestation helps to overcome shyness. A girl can go to a music or art studio, sign up for a dance or a handicraft class. In such sections, a shy person will be able to find like-minded people and begin to express herself without fear.
How often can you meet a decent guy who is so shy that he can't even approach an unfamiliar girl. And he seems smart, well-read, handsome, athletic and decent, but he is embarrassed to meet a girl. Of course, in the distant future, he will certainly become a respectable husband and a wonderful father. But before that you need to overcome your embarrassment and learn to approach girls. To begin with, let's look at the psychology of shyness and try to understand why this shyness appears?
Why guys are shy about girls
Often the reasons for embarrassment sit deep within a person's psychological personality. What influences a young and attractive guy so much that prevents him from meeting a girl?
- Many psychological problems come from childhood. If a boy is often scolded at an early age, he begins to subconsciously fear any failure, suggests what will happen to him if the girl refuses. He perceives any refusal or disinterest as a personal defeat.
- As strange as it may sound, but society is sharpened to ensure that women are respected and respected. And the man can handle it, he's strong. From an early age, we are told that girls cannot be offended, that they need to yield, they need to be idolized. Against this background, most men feel like a meaningless person, insignificance.
- Emotionally, a man is indeed more vulnerable than a woman. It's easy to hurt or spoil a man's self-esteem. One awkward phrase when meeting or during a conversation can create a serious complex in a man's head.
- One of the common reasons a guy is shy is his lack of self-confidence. Perhaps he notes that young people with a pumped-up torso are more successful among the representatives of the opposite sex, therefore, he believes that his figure is unlikely to please girls. In fact, the problem is only in the head. Only self-confidence and charisma affect the ability to please this or that girl.
But sometimes shyness can be in a person just like that, for no reason. It's just that a person has such a character, not everyone can be seductive macho? To overcome shyness, you need to work with your complexes.
How to build self-confidence
How often can you meet a nondescript gray guy who completely transforms as soon as he starts talking. Self-confidence is 70% of success. Girls pay attention to how a person behaves, what he talks about and how he presents himself. And only then they notice what he is wearing and how his figure looks. Many girls admit that after a conversation they completely change their minds about a person. A thin squishy person may seem like an interesting interlocutor, but a pumped up athlete is a complete fool.To gain self-confidence, you need to raise self-esteem in your own eyes. To feel better, you have to really get better. If you think that girls pay attention to smart guys, you need to achieve something in this area. Win some intellectual competition, win the Olympics, show your knowledge in an educational game. You can show off your mind even in a simple company, the main thing is that it is appropriate and not funny. If girls, in your opinion, pay attention to the athletic physique of guys, start exercising. A healthy lifestyle has not hurt anyone yet! Do some sport, start going to the gym, run in the morning. Along with the formation of your figure, self-confidence will begin to grow.
In addition, you must always be neat and clean. Wear fresh clothes, cut your hair on time, and take good care of your hygiene to avoid embarrassing situations.
There are many tricks that can help you gradually release your shyness and shyness.
- Start talking to the girls from the service staff. For example, talk to a waitress. And not just about ordering, but about something abstract. For example, when she asks about what you will order, ask what she would have eaten, what she likes. By virtue of the profession, the people of the service personnel have to be courteous and tactful in any situation, so this will give you a little confidence.
- To stop being shy, you need to learn how to compliment strangers. It can be an old friend, a neighbor on the porch, a classmate and even a mother. The whole point is in learning to briefly emphasize the beauty of the fair sex.
- Changing your image will help you gain confidence. Change your hairstyle, buy fashionable things, add bright accessories. Not only will it help you change your look, but it will also give you a special sense of significance and style.
- Don't be afraid of girls! They are people just like you, your friend and brother. Yes, they have their own opinions on certain things, but in many ways, girls are no different from guys. They also want to have fun, laugh and fool around.
- If you want to meet a girl, you have to get her attention. To do this, make her a couple of compliments, ask what she is doing here and why she is sitting alone (or with a friend). The main thing is to talk more and not bury yourself. Girls love to talk, and you need to listen to them, no doubt about it. But only later, when you are familiar enough. In the meantime, the guy will have to work with his head and tongue.
- No need to pretend to be macho - smart girls won't appreciate it. Just imagine yourself as you are. No need to show off and say that you passed by while walking to the gym for another strength training. Say it as it is that you liked the girl and you wanted to meet her. Keep it simple - it is appreciated above all else.
- Talk more with strangers - in transport, on the street, in a cafe. These can be not only young girls, but also women and even men. Simply overcoming the barrier will help you get to know each other faster and easier in the future.
- Achieve goals, achieve something in life. Score the most goals in a basketball game, conquer the school audience with a public speech, win a medal in some competition. Sometimes this becomes a powerful push for girls to finally pay attention to you.
- You can conduct such an experiment. Take a large notebook and pen and go outside. You need to force yourself to approach unfamiliar girls under the pretext of a sociological survey. This will help overcome insecurity, you will be able to communicate with unfamiliar girls, and, finally, you will learn how to flirt.
Don't worry, as you get older the shyness will disappear and it will be much easier to meet girls.
Shyness is not the worst part of a person. A shy guy is often clean and shy. He does not know how to communicate with girls, but he does not have a rich track record. These guys, on the other hand, are loyal and appreciate girls. Many ladies understand this and have not been chasing self-confident macho for a long time. Be yourself and there will definitely be one who will appreciate it!
Video: how to stop being shy about girls
18.08.2017 06:10:57
I had a friend who at the age of 17 had 4 suitors. One rode her on a motorcycle. Another helped to study - i.e. college lover. The third was nasty, but rich, and gave her gifts. And for the fourth she wanted to get married.
So, with the first, she smoked, drank beer and swore. With the second she behaved as she liked - he was glad to any manifestation of her attention. And with the third and fourth, she went on dates in a pleated skirt below the knee, dull eyes and pretended to be a shy woman, embarrassed about or without.
She got married, as planned, after receiving all possible presents from the third, and saying the cherished "Yes" to the fourth. Why? Because she was "modest". And shyness, as we know, adorns a woman better than anything else.
But why?
Because the relationship between a man and a woman involves the birth of offspring. Where a man gives his seed, and a woman leases her womb (I wrote in more detail on this topic in the article). And every man is extremely interested in raising and raising his offspring. And when he sees a modest and chaste girl, he understands: "This is her!"
But, unfortunately, nothing came of my friend, because it turned out that she gave birth to a child from the one who rode her on a motorcycle ... The divorce happened after a year of family life. As they say, she was young, stupid - her secret was revealed.
Since then, she has grown wiser, and once again married successfully. Because knows how to behave as he pleases in different life situations, and does not give out his secrets to anyone :).
Why does a woman sometimes act mean?
With my friend, everything is clear. She was brought up by a mother who was angry with men, who was abandoned by her husband with a baby in his arms. The mother had many lovers, but she did not love any of them. believed that you should not expect something good from men ... And if you should not wait, then you just need to use them. She raised her daughter as angry with men.
The truth is now the question arises: is modesty really a female boon? Or is it also a way to powder the brains of another man?
Why are you shy?
Is it good or bad? Let's think about it.
"I didn't want to get married ... I understand that I don't want to remain a single woman by the age of 30 (I'm 25), and I now live with a young man, and I don't want to start everything up so that everything will come to naught ...
I feel my femininity, and I am a little scared at times. If I wear a dress or even just heels - I feel like a princess - and there is a lot of attention from men. I'm just embarrassed! I feel glances at myself, while I am dressed modestly, do not think, and my gait is not bad, it is quite adequate - there is nothing abnormal. Even when I look, to put it mildly, not very good, in sneakers and a sweater with a hood, after the rain, I haven't got enough sleep - even then young people come up to me to meet ...
And I’m ashamed of all this and don’t want to attract too much attention. my development vector is now focused on career, money, integrity and health. "
Katia.
How Do Losers Think?
Katya, the human brain is aimed at solving your problems. If you want to lie in bed for half a day and not go to workout, your intellect will find a couple of dozen of the best excuses for your weak-willed behavior.
And this is very sad because an alcoholic will always find a good reason to get drunk, a stupid person - to quarrel with someone, anxious - to eat a whole cake ... And if you ask these people why they did IT, their intellect will find hundreds of excuses.
Including, our brain knows how to perfectly justify our complexes and false beliefs. For example, in your case, he justifies the inability to communicate with men by the fact that you do not need it at all. And finds other goals in life. And even if it is not logical - to have an unnecessary restriction - but it is convenient ...
Why don't people know how to think logically?
Modern psychology proves that the thoughts in our head are not consciousness. This is something completely different ... And the famous experiment carried out by two Harvard scientists proved it perfectly.
They took several apartments with different characteristics. Among them, only one was with the maximum conditions for a comfortable stay, the rest were much worse.
Having gathered an audience of students, the scientists made them THINK which apartment they like best. The students were divided into three groups. The first group had to, after listening to all the characteristics of the apartments, answer immediately. The second group was given 3 minutes to think. And the third was not allowed to think at all, and was forced to solve the simplest mathematical examples for 3 minutes.
And what group of students do you think gave the maximum number of correct answers?
Well? Well ... :)
I will surprise you - but the one where the examples were solved, and there was no way to think normally.
The first group was less successful.
And the worst results were shown by the group that was given the opportunity to THINK for 3 minutes about which apartment to choose ...
And what conclusion can be drawn?
When we THINK LONG, we make the wrong decisions.
But why is this happening?
Because the RIGHT and logical decision is ONE. But when you think, you start to take into account different factors: "What will happen if so? And what if that way? .."
In your brain, in addition to the correct and intelligent connections between neurons, there are also your complexes, fears, false attitudes. And your brain also takes them into account.
When a person is shy - what does he think about? "I can't, but what if they refuse! You can't do that, you have to be more modest!"
With shyness, the only right solution is to get rid of this complex and develop your communication skills.
But if a person has false beliefs and attitudes that contradict reality, he will make the wrong decision.
That is why our world is full of seemingly smart people, but there are so many losers in it. Those who make WRONG decisions every day.
When a student writes to me about her problem, my task is to reveal her false attitudes. Dispel her doubts. Show the reasons for her complex, and the harm that they do to her. And then she herself makes a competent and logical decision in life.
You have to be more modest! Why?
Let's turn to our history. In patriarchal times, modesty and shyness were considered a feminine boon. Why?
Because then the "mind, honor and conscience" was the man providing the family, and the woman was his property. The woman, to put it mildly, was considered stupid. Remember: "A chicken is not a bird, a woman is not a man"?
The man's task was to provide for the family. And the task of a woman is to bear children and serve the household. Since the woman could not think with her own head, the man had to think for her. But since the issue of education in those days was solved rather weakly, only a select few could read and write - the church thought for everyone. And she educated everyone too. And the state ruled the church.
What did the state need? Good receipts from the population to the treasury, and the struggle with neighbors for new lands and resources - i.e. many able-bodied peasants and soldiers. And who provided all this? Women. Therefore, the church taught that the meaning of a woman's life is to give birth to many children. And the main benefit of a woman is shyness.
You see, in their opinion, a woman a priori was never able to think with her own head, and in order for a stupid woman not to give birth to children from a neighbor, she had to be shy. This really saved marriages, because men were guaranteed to raise their children. And they performed their function well: they paid huge taxes and fees, raised soldiers and gave their daughters in marriage.
Now times have changed, and in our time, the issue of overpopulation of the earth has become acute. Therefore, giving birth to many children is no longer fashionable. And science has proven that a woman is also a man, and is capable of thinking no worse than a man. And she is able to decide for herself how many children she needs - two or ten.
Is modesty a boon?
But why did the shyness remain? And why do so many women still suffer from shyness?
Mainly due to parenting and restrictions. Many parents are religious, and in all seriousness are convinced that it is imperative for a woman to be shy and shine with the "nth" benefit.
Many parents do not know how to think for themselves and bring up their children the way their parents did. And their parents do as their parents did ... So the Domostroy leaven still lives in our families. And nothing good comes of it. Because it is extremely difficult to bring up a girl who is religious, shy and chaste in the modern world of temptations and all-accessibility, but a notorious one is as much as you like.
If a girl herself comes up to a boy to get to know him, her parents poke at her! After all, you have to be MODEST. It is right! Why is this correct? Where did they get this?
When an adult daughter seeks to find a worthy husband for herself, she hesitates ... to get to know him. After all, a woman has to be shy. It is right!
And when she falls in love with some goof, and he invites her to drop his modesty and have sex as soon as possible, he says "Yes". Why? Because he is also ashamed or doubts to refuse him ...
And the result? The girl, embarrassed, cannot find a worthy life partner, so she sleeps with just anyone. Often becomes a single mother or has an abortion. Or marries some goof ...
Losers don't think logically. And all because parents instill in them a lot of unnecessary attitudes.
When shyness is a barrier
Katerina, what do you have now?
You live with a guy who doesn't suit you. Your letter clearly shows this: "I didn't want to get married ... I understand that I don't want to remain a single woman by the age of 30 ... I don't want to start everything so that everything will come to naught."
Actually, you WANT it to come to naught. Otherwise, they would write that you really DO in order to strengthen the relationship.
What do you really have?
You have an inferiority complex because are embarrassed to please the men around you. Because of this complex, you are deprived of the opportunity to charm men, and choose a worthy life partner for yourself. Therefore, you continue to live with someone you do not like, and wait for your relationship to come to naught.
Think, why should you be ashamed? You are a full-fledged female person, adult, self-sufficient. You have every right to talk with men, interest them in yourself, charm. You can learn communication skills and attract the best husband to your life.
It’s not normal to be shy. This is self-restraint, this is complexes and false attitudes. Why do you need them?
Write down what benefits you get when you are shy:
* Allow yourself to be a victim of circumstance?
* There is something you DO NOT want to do, so you are shy?
* Are you afraid of something, why are you shy?
* Do you allow yourself to be a little girl without your own opinion and choice in life?
You see, what's the matter. When a person begins to work through one of his simplest problems, he can bring to the light of God another, more global and harmful. Therefore, I recommend that you work out your complex, and identify ALL the reasons and benefits.
Success stories
"How I got rid of shyness and became the Firebird!"
"Hello, Oksanochka!
I would like to thank you for your wise thoughts in the mailings, books and training course. A report is a report, but I want to write from the soul.Several years ago I watched the film "Kamasutra: A Love Story". I really liked the moment there when the mentor told the heroine that you will never get the love of a man until you learn to love yourself. Then she learned the art of love and came into harmony with herself, became a very valuable heterosexual (or whatever they are called in India), and received the love of the Prince and the sculptor who rejected her.
Then chaos reigned in my personal life too ... I broke up with the guy, blaming myself for this, and I really wanted to get into such a school and come in harmony with myself, to become a real woman. It was over 3 years ago. Since then, I have slowly moved in this direction. And now I finally got to such a school!
I read with pleasure all your mailings, they give an incomparable inner feeling of being a Real Woman. Based on the results of the first month of training, I can say that both cats and men have become closer and dearer to me. I always got along with cats, but not with men - I was afraid of them. Now this fear has evaporated and I felt how they, poor things, lack female warmth and affection!
You can say I fell in love with men. It is an indescribable feeling when unfamiliar men are trying with all their might to find a reason to talk to me, or just to look in my direction again, because I smile at them!
I was escorted home on a dark night by a completely unfamiliar man (I had to go on foot, because the trams had broken down), while doing all he could to invent an excuse to meet. We walked and chatted - we arrived cheerfully! And another guy, because I just walk and smile, gave me a magazine and also brought me home, guarded, so that nothing happened to me :)
Besides all this, I have already been on a date with an interesting man. And this was my first date in more than six months, he really liked me! He said that he had been looking for someone like me for a VERY LONG time. And this despite the fact that for almost 4 years I have not had relationships with men since I broke up with my last boyfriend. Yes, and very rarely invited on dates. And here such a success in just one month!
The feeling that some kind of dam is opening inside me, and all the blessings of Life, including Love, and relationships with men, among whom will surely be the Best Man for me, rush into my life.
I began to take notes on your mailings, that famous issue turned out to be especially significant for me. I tried to practice it on the first date - to communicate with men in such a way that I sincerely admire them and listen, directing the conversation with questions. I was like that when I was a student, when I had a lot of fans. But then I was hampered by a feeling of fear, I could not attract the guys that I liked in any way, because she didn't really appreciate herself ... And she was also afraid of men.
Those. I admired men, but did not appreciate myself, I was not sure of myself!
Now I have corrected this omission. On this date, I just remembered how real I am. And I stopped thinking that money was spent on me, which means that I owed something to a man ... It is very good that they treat me, take me home and bring me home, give me flowers - this is as it should be, because I am a valuable Woman. And even though I'm just learning, but I already feel like a Sorceress-Goddess, or, as my mother said, a Firebird.
For this feeling and thank you, Oksana! I am in such a good mood now that I want to sing! Yes, I already sing to myself on the streets! Good days to you! "
Svetlana.
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