The man behaves like a friend why. Psychologist: “There can be no friendship between a man and a woman. Sincerely, Rashid Kirranov

We talked about this with expert in the field of interpersonal relationships, practicing psychologist, Yulia Kuzmina.

Maya Milich, “AiF.ru”: Is there friendship between a man and a woman?

Yulia Kuzmina: Friendship between a man and a woman does not exist. Most often, a woman then suffers from such relationships. If a woman is free, then she is in search of her boyfriend, and is always in certain expectations. Starting to communicate with a man, she begins to get used to his presence. A man is designed in such a way that he immediately determines what he wants or does not want from a person. Of course, unless he has a hidden intention to have some kind of on-duty or “weekend” relationship. A man understands himself better, who he needs, and he is more likely to allow a female friend to be close to him. Most often, what a woman calls friendship is more like friendship without obligations for a man.

Even after an affair has already taken place, it is best to transform the relationship into a friendly one and understand that there is no friendship between a man and a woman. There are friendships. You need to understand that an element of friendship is still respect, some kind of interaction.

M.M., “AiF.ru”: So friends of opposite sexes always balance on the brink of falling in love on one side or the other?

Yu.K.: Certainly. You can't command nature. In theory, falling in love can be on both sides, and some things can be completely unconscious. Our consciousness is largely responsible for friendship and respect, and it lays down some things, like: “No, I decided to be alone,” or the girl says: “I’m currently looking.” At the same time, a memory of a specific person may still live in her soul, but her soul is already asking for a new object. And when a new harmless object appears who treats her with respect and understands her, then the woman begins to develop a certain inner feeling and desire for that same love.

In addition, friends cannot help but like each other's appearance. Friends are people with whom we unconsciously share interests, outlook on life, temperament or approach to life.

Learning to be friends

M.M., “AiF.ru”: How can a married man properly build his relationship with a female friend so that his wife does not get jealous? That is, to maintain only friendly relations and not allow a woman to become an “alternate airfield”?

Yu.K.: If you are married and you already have a female friend, then at least it is worth clearly understanding that you have already officially decided on your positions regarding each other.

But the fact is that men are somewhat gullible. They believe that if they once agreed with a woman to be friends, then they can tell her about their love and personal affairs, and consult. But, if you have a wife or just a lover, then the main advice to a man is to very carefully, prudently, and from time to time check with your female friend that between you there is friendship and only friendship. It is very important to maintain and maintain distance, so that later there is no “cold” war, so that one day you don’t have to tell a woman friend: “I don’t know what you came up with for yourself.” Because a woman may perceive your friendship as a promise of something more, and in the end it will be you who will become uncomfortable in this relationship, the entire burden of guilt and personal dissatisfaction will be on you.

Every girl, sooner or later, may have the idea that such a wonderful, wonderful man can be more than a friend to her. And the gender mechanism will turn on, flirting will begin. These are all steps in one direction - desire, passion and love.

Therefore, in friendship with a woman, it is important to keep your distance and periodically clarify the format of the relationship, because a woman lives and acts more unconsciously. Therefore, for her, the transition from friendship to love can happen unconsciously and without warning. And if this happens, then it will be you who she will complain about.

M.M., “AiF.ru”: What can friendship with a woman give a man?

Yu.K.: I’ll probably say a terrible thing now, but this is the same thing that communication with a psychologist gives: relaxation, understanding of something that interests a man in a gender issue, emotional support, “swaddling”, when, for example, a woman says: “ Yes, she didn't appreciate you. You're so cool".

It's certainly awash in support. Some of what I named can be called the word “vest,” but there are different phases of emotional support, when a man comes and reasons. What do friends usually say? “Don’t worry. Nonsense. She will appreciate you later.” A girl will say the same thing to her friend, but we support our friends.

Of course, friendship with a woman is an expansion of competence. A man, communicating with a female friend, begins to receive more information about the world of women in general. About how to be popular correctly, how to manipulate correctly. We tell it ourselves important secrets about yourself to your male friends. And they, reading between the lines, understand how they can influence us to achieve what they want faster and easier.

There is so much controversy surrounding the topic of friendship between the two sexes! Some believe that men cannot be friends with women, while others argue that sincere friendship is quite possible. The most interesting thing is that both sides present quite weighty arguments in defense of their point of view... How can you not get confused here? Undoubtedly, communication with the opposite sex can be very exciting and has many advantages, but can these relationships be called friendship? Let's try to figure this out.

Why men are friends with women

Like any relationship, friendships have to start somewhere. In this case, there is no point in talking about such a vague concept as the attraction of kindred spirits. After all, without sufficient information about a person, you can hardly trust him, and even without communicating with him long time, it is difficult to talk about closeness in spirit. This means only one thing - two people are connected by something, but each of them may have their own motivation for communication. Each case is individual, each situation has its own development, and one can often only guess about what is happening deep in the soul of even the closest person. Nevertheless, let’s try to consider some options for friendship between women and men, at least as the “tip of the iceberg.”

childhood friends. One can say about such friendship that it has been tested over the years. There was plenty of time to get to know each other properly. All the actions, habits and behavioral characteristics of such a friend are clearly visible. You know well what he is capable of and what his weaknesses are. A friend or childhood friend inspires trust in your other half, and this is understandable - after all, if for such long time If there is no mutual sympathy between you, then there is nothing to fear. More often than not, this is exactly how things actually are.

Friends with similar interests. We are talking about having a common hobby that such a couple literally lives by. Most often this is a creative activity, sport or teamwork. People are so passionate about their work that they simply have no time to consider each other as a man or a woman, although there are exceptions. Even with complete transparency of such relationships, a friend’s acquaintance with his other half, and even family friendship, your chosen one or chosen one will still have some doubts. After all, your communication began, if not as an adult, then already at a conscious age, which means that interest in a friend (or on his part) may be far from childish.

Friendship "for no reason". It happens that the impetus for the beginning of a friendly relationship can be a similar life situation, and, of course, compassion and understanding with subsequent communication. Such friendship can still be, if not accepted, then at least understood. If a couple met under random circumstances and justifies their communication by the “attraction of kindred spirits,” which was mentioned above, there is mutual interest. No matter how such people try to convey to their other halves that nothing unites them except friendship, such communication will harm their love unions. Jealousy in this case is completely justified, and impotent anger (due to the lack of arguments) will sooner or later result in something more.

Behavior of women in friendships with men

If a woman whom he calls a friend is constantly present next to your chosen one, analyze her behavior in order to get rid of doubts forever.

Signs of sympathy from a “friend”

There is a type of girls and women who, having failed to make the proper impression on the man or guy they like, try to get closer to him as a friend. A certain percentage of such “friends” actually have success, albeit not always long-term. Most of them have the same tactics - they collect information about their lover, are constantly present nearby, and at the right moment demonstrate their readiness to do anything, hiding behind friendly feelings and kindness. They reveal themselves by the following signs:

• They preen themselves before meeting a friend, put on revealing clothes;
• They demonstrate their femininity;
• They give advice that leads to quarrels with a friend’s girlfriend;
• Compare themselves out loud with other women, emphasizing their positive qualities;
• They offer to drink together.

Of course, not all of them behave so openly and primitively, but to a greater or lesser extent such behavior features are present in them.

Signs of sincere friendship

There is absolutely no reason to worry and be jealous if your chosen one’s girlfriend behaves as follows:

• Wears it to meet him casual clothes, does not look defiant;
• Does not have a negative impact on your relationship with its advice;
• She has an organized personal life;
• She does not look for a reason to be alone with him and deliberately avoids ambiguous situations;
• She does not burden him with constant requests, emphasizing her fragility and helplessness;
• This couple has mutual friends.

Behavior of men in friendship with women

How to recognize the true intentions of a seemingly friendly person? Is he really interested in you? friendly feelings, or is there something more involved? Let's try to put everything in its place by analyzing the behavior of men in friendship with the opposite sex.

Signs of sympathy from a “friend”

Men, like women, use different tactics in the struggle for their happiness. Sometimes it is much more effective not to fall into a girl’s soul at first sight, but to simply be there at the right time in the right place. Who, if not a friend, is the easiest to predict such a situation? Having become a friend, an interested man can count on frankness on the part of his beloved, and also fully enjoy her trust. Such a “friend” reveals itself as follows:

• Tries to spend time alone with her friend, avoiding the presence of mutual friends;
• Emphasizes his superiority over his girlfriend’s chosen one in a way that is within his power;
• Gives expensive gifts, is ready to help at any time;
• Hints or says openly that her friend’s chosen one is unworthy of her;
• Denies his connections with other women, or talks about their frivolity;
• He tries to evoke sympathy, but at the same time demonstrates the strength of his character. In other words, he was unlucky, but he will cope with difficulties.

Unlike women, most men cannot stand such a situation for long, so sooner or later they call a spade a spade in order to gain at least some certainty.

Signs of sincere friendship

Your beloved man can be calm if his friend behaves as follows:

• Doesn't comment on your appearance in any way. He behaves the same way regardless of whether you are wearing a feminine dress or a regular tracksuit. He just doesn't care;
• Discusses his relationship with his wife or girlfriend with you;
• Uses profanity in conversation. Trying to please a girl, a young man will not swear in front of her, unless the reason is a lack of upbringing. When it comes to friendly communication, you can afford much more;
• Asks to borrow money. If a man is trying to impress you, he will solve his material problems on his own;
• Doesn't affect your relationship with your loved one. In case of conflict situations, he keeps his opinion to himself so as not to be extreme.

Scientists at the University of Wisconsin wanted to find out whether there is a sincere, unfavorable friendship between a man and a woman, and they found out! Almost always such friendships lead to intimate relationships, but why? Let's try to figure it out.

Opposites attract, but does this law apply when it comes to a person's gender? The psychology of friendship between a man and a woman is the most mysterious question that has tormented people’s minds for centuries. For many years, scientists, psychologists, poets, writers and philosophers have been trying to determine whether such a sincere connection actually exists. Without any doubt, almost every person (no matter whether it was a man or a woman) was overcome by friendly sympathy for a person of the opposite sex. And, naturally, everyone asked themselves: what is this? Sincere friendship, passionate lust or the beginning of a new love? Psychology, as a science, excludes any existence of such friendship, arguing that a man can use a woman for selfish motives, but life is not a science and it is full of exceptions to the rules.

Is friendship possible between a man and a woman?

We can’t imagine what the fair sex means by the word friendship, because experience shows that this is too vague a reality for them. Women don't know how to be friends, at least with women. Female friendship is an unidentified phenomenon, where either two happy people or two unhappy people, two beautiful people and two “for an amateur,” get along well; as soon as one of them’s life gets better, the balance is disrupted and the friendship ends.

Men, in turn, are simpler, more understandable, as is their friendship. No, of course, representatives of the stronger sex often compete with each other in the size of their wallet or other advantages, but they do not stop being friends because of this. Two men are unlikely to quarrel because one is a caring father, and the other is a tireless lover, or that girls are looking at one, and the other must constantly pay bills for their attention.

The symbiosis of a man and a woman simplifies friendship, turning it from a complex female friendship into an easier heterosexual one. In fact, it turns out that such friendship takes place in this world: it is easier, more ingenuous, simpler. However, it is still only possible in some cases: either in the complete absence of sexual desire, or after a relationship that ended in mutual consent, or while there are circumstances restraining the ardor of love. But this seemingly stable system is also subject to turbulence in the form of intimacy.

Many representatives of the stronger sex are sincere friends with women, especially with ex-partners. Your ex is your own person and knows your weaknesses. You can trust her with all your secrets. Moreover, this type of man does not feel any jealousy towards his girlfriend’s current partner. It’s another matter when the spark has not yet passed between you. If a woman does not strive for intimacy, then with men the opposite is true.

What does friendship between a man and a woman lead to?

IN modern world This is a normal phenomenon when a man and a woman are united by something more than bed. However, it turned out that representatives of the stronger sex are not able to simply be friends with women. Scientists conducted a survey of 89 couples who entered into friendly opposite-sex relationships. This led to the conclusion: that all men - married, divorced, and single - want to be friends only with those they consider sexually attractive. Moreover, they all naively believe that the girlfriends they have chosen feel feelings towards them. There were no exceptions, no, and cannot be.

So, beliefs like: “a man communicates with you because he really wants to” are not complete nonsense. Although, on the other hand, sexologists say that if a man only needs sex from a woman, he will not play girlfriends with her for a long time. Unsatisfied desires spoil everything, even the brightest and purest feelings. Friendship is a wine that requires aging, and men are not able to restrain themselves.

To summarize, I would like to say that heterosexual friendship (especially permanent) between a man and a woman is dangerous, as it leads to disastrous consequences: the broken heart of a man, woman or their partners. Therefore, when making a friend of the opposite sex, you should evaluate all the risks. Remember: such friendships almost always lead to sex. But, in some cases, it can be salutary (when marriage has outlived its usefulness) or creative (if you had nothing and you don’t strive for it).

You need to decide for yourself whether to spoil a friendship with sex or not. Therefore, listen to your heart: if you dream of intimacy with your friendship partner, then who knows, maybe this is your destiny. But, if you have already found your person, and your friend keeps giving ambiguous hints, it is better to stop all communication with such a person. In any case, sooner or later, he will hate you or you will hate him. And so, be friends with whoever you want and whenever you want, the main thing is that the person is good and the friendship is strong. There are always exceptions. Good luck in everything, and don't forget to press the buttons and

“To receive love... fill yourself with it until you begin to attract love like a magnet.”
Charles Haenel

What do men and women not know about each other?

Today I offer material that, with a deeper reading, will help the reader understand why he/she ended up next to his partner and what to do with those feelings that are now emanating to his beloved (or not so beloved).

0. A man and a woman develop a feeling of love for each other when their invisible ancestors bring them together to resolve their unresolved issues.

Secret number zero. I gave her this number because I know from experience how frustrating it is for people to hear that their choice of loved one is not theirs. Only when a relationship breaks down are people ready to accept: “Yes, all my ancestors gave me this walking torment. I just don’t understand why!”

I’ll try to briefly explain why the ancestors need this trick with your choice.

At the very beginning of a relationship, a man and a woman are nice and friendly to each other. A certain spiritual sympathy arises between them, I emphasize spiritual. Both are united by the desire to show their best sides.

For what? As they said in the old days, to show the product with your face. We all understand this, but after a while, when the package is opened, it turns out that the product is not so good and instead of sympathy there is now rejection...

Where does love go and why do claims arise? Claims are always based on unmet needs. A need is a need for something, a necessity. I think you know about Maslow’s pyramid. It starts with basic physical ones and ends with the need for self-realization.

The needs that lovers cannot satisfy for each other are spied experiences from their parent families. Just as parents, for example, needed love, attention, respect, so their children (our lovers) need the same.

But the parents failed to cope with these tasks in their time, looking at their elders, who may have died in the war or, for example, themselves suffered great losses (collectivization, emigration).

Information about losses and unmet needs is written in DNA. Our ancestors passed it on to us through blood and experience. There's no escaping her. You can only realize it and satisfy those needs that your ancestors failed to satisfy.

This is what a beloved is given for. But one that has in its DNA records of unmet needs similar to yours. Therefore, after the honeymoon of the relationship, times of discontent begin.

Figuratively speaking, invisible ancestors stand behind the awakened lovers and, rubbing their hands, say: “Well, dear ones! Cooed and woke me up! It’s time to deal with our problems!”

Whether the lovers will have enough wisdom to satisfy the needs of their ancestors and begin their happy lives depends on how they can solve the problem contained in the First Secret:

1. A man and a woman seek attention to themselves in a relationship. Any dissatisfaction in a relationship arises due to the fact that one of the parties does not receive enough attention from the partner.

It may seem that the relationship is failing due to the difficult character, bad habits, indecent actions of one or both partners, but if the partners give attention to each other, these reasons cannot lead to a breakup.

But when one partner stops giving attention to the other, then a battle begins in which all negative feelings have a place.

Men and women operate with attention differently. Thought taken from Yuri Subordin:

There are actually two attentions. The female form of attention, when a person fully listens to the interlocutor, i.e. without resistance he perceives the image conveyed to him by his interlocutor, and the male form of attention is involvement in some process. In this case, the person is completely involved and is not distracted by anything else.

A man longs for a woman to fully listen to him, open her mouth and agree with all his arguments. I accepted his information unconditionally. In other words, she showed him a feminine form of attention. This is roughly how a man expects a woman to always be ready to have sex with him.

And so that the woman listens to him, the man uses his technique of paying attention. He involves her (or those in whom he is interested) in the process of forming new impressions so that she (they) open up and begin to listen.

A man in a relationship always sets the direction, i.e. offers to show interest in something new, where, in his opinion, new impressions may arise and thereby they will begin to listen to him, for example:

Honey, let's go to the movies!
- Don’t you want to go to Antalya for a week?!
- Today the Pavlovs are inviting you to dinner, will you be ready by seven?

But it depends on the woman whether she will support the man’s initiatives. After all, she may refuse to listen to his proposals:

No, honey, these action movies bore me. I want to stay at home.
- What have I lost in this Turkey! There you always don’t know how to get away from their all-inclusiveness!
- Pavlovs? These boring intellectuals? Let them say thank you that we visit them at all!

A woman who does not support a man for a long time in his involvements becomes a source of discomfort for him and gradually he stops winning her attention.

A man who stops involving a woman in his sphere of interests and does not give her new impressions causes disappointment in her.

A woman considers a man weak who could not convince her to listen to him, a man considers a bitch a woman who is not involved in his proposals.

However, if attention and involvement have existed in the relationship between a man and a woman for at least some time, a connection arises that lives on its own and is the Second Secret.

2. Between a man and a woman there is a channel of relationship, a sensual connection.

When a relationship breaks down, the connection remains and causes suffering for one party and pumping energy for the other. While the connection exists, the partners alternately change the direction of energy movement along this channel. Consequently, sometimes one or the other feels either better or worse than their partner.

Any relationship represents a certain process of energy exchange, and feelings, emotions, behavior patterns are a consequence of it.

The fact that a relationship can be imagined as a pipe between a man and a woman, through which feelings and emotions are pumped from one partner to another, greatly simplifies the explanation of why, when a relationship breaks up, one of the partners feels bad, while the other, as they say, gets lucky .

Communication, pipe, binding - call it what you want. It is not visible, but there is a feeling of discomfort. How can you not see the waves that come into your mobile phone, but the sound in the handset is reality.

Many of you have often experienced long, exhausting periods of poor health, when you wanted at least a little support from your partner in the form of an SMS, a call or a kind word.

But there was no sound from there, no movement.

And when do you hear rumors that your partner is lucky?! Resentment, revenge, the desire to tear and throw begin to boil inside!

What to do?

A) Realize that your connection is an independent unit of the Universe. Just like the pipe of your vacuum cleaner. There is a pipe and it is connected to you. The trumpet connection will always be looking for a moment to make itself known to you. To do this, the pipe will cause negative feelings and an outflow of energy.

b) Once you have realized it, use the pipe for its intended purpose one last time. Through it, take from your partner everything that belongs to you and give him everything that belongs to him. Thus, the need for a pipe will disappear. She will dissolve.

V) Thank your partner for being in your life. Give him a place in your heart.

With) Do you remember Mystery Zero? In these relationships, did you satisfy the needs of the ancestors? If not, then the same one will take the place of this partner.

So that relationships do not come to a break and suffering, you need to know about the Third Secret:

3. A man must divorce his mother before he decides to marry a woman.

A man always has his first woman. This is his mother.

As a boy, he is attached to her for the first twelve years of his life. Further, the connection weakens, but does it always break?

If mom is self-sufficient, mature personality, she will easily release her son into the world.

The mother gives her son into the hands of the father. Now the man is responsible for the man. This is how masculinity passes from father to son.

But these days things are not always so smooth.

Often the mother herself remains a little Inner Girl, full of fears and mistrust. And then she cannot trust her son to anyone. Neither the father of the child, who may not have been around for a long time, nor even the girl who has laid eyes on the most precious thing in her life.

The mother does not give freedom to her son, she decides everything for him. If only she knew that she was turning him into a Loser with her own hands!

But she doesn’t want to know this - she is a Mother and loves her little blood more than anyone else!

Subconsciously, she wants to be needed and in demand, at least for him, because she feels like a complete Nothingness. And raises his own kind.

So what! - she will say. - As long as I am alive, he will be under my protection and fully provided for.

I just want to ask: And when you are gone, will he also follow you to another world?

Moms, please, the country needs men! Let them go - let them become Men! Love them truly, not out of fear for your tearful Inner Child.

Moms, for a man to remain in adulthood in the state of your ward, or even worse, a “psychological husband,” he will have to drink. Only there, in a binge, will he be able to fulfill your parental message: “Don’t grow up!”

Men, don't get married until you divorce your mother. All the same, your mother, as the “first and legitimate” one, will separate you from your wife.

After a man divorces his mother and, according to the Bible, his wife cleaves to him, what is hidden in the Fourth Mystery will arise:

4. A woman will always want to deprive a man of his masculinity so that someone else won’t get it.

Masculinity is the ability to penetrate into the unknown, into a world where nothing is yet known and where order must be created. The universe has placed this responsibility on men, forcing them to expand their masculinity by overcoming obstacles and unlocking the mysteries of nature.

A man must be involved in the new, master this new and bring prey, knowledge to the feet of his woman. Wife or mother. (Let's assume that our man is already divorced and is bringing trophies to his wife).

This is how his masculinity grows.

And what about his woman? She is the Universe that wants to be explored by her man. She either reveals herself to him, or hides some of her secrets in order to arouse his interest in a new knowledge of himself.

And when he wants to start studying another universe, then first bewilderment arises in it, and then resentment: “How? You haven't gotten to know me yet! How can you study something else? I can't forgive you!"

Seeing his purpose - to learn new things, she offers him her “ideal solution”:

STAY AT HOME AND HUNTING, LEARN FROM HERE!

So she deprives him of his masculinity, because now he cannot refuse her - there will be a scandal: “How? Do you want to cheat on me? Then get lost for good!”

He agrees to stay close and slowly becomes her son, and she becomes his mother.

Their sexual relations are fading away, but for her the main thing has been achieved - there is someone nearby who will always study and serve her Universe.

What is the way out of this stalemate? He is in the Fifth Secret:

5. A man grows in status only on the love of his woman. He has two of these women: his mother and his wife. If a man does not grow in status, it means there is no love for him.

What do all people want? That's right, development, growth!

Growth in human Everyday life looks like a transition from one status to another.

For example: a schoolboy wants to become a student, a student wants to become a rich man, a rich man wants to leave his name in history (as a historical figure). The girl wants to become a wife, the wife wants to shine with pride and happiness for herself, her children and her husband.

To grow in status, you need resources, you need support. Who provides this support? The one who believes is the one who loves!

When a couple cannot move from their status to a higher rank for a long time, for example, for a long time it is impossible to save up to expand their living space, this means that the man, as a breadwinner and hunter, does not have enough strength. He needs support.

He can only get support from a woman who, through the power of her faith, will show him that he is strong and cool.

A man is not stronger than a woman. A man becomes stronger when a woman makes him feel strong.

A woman is no weaker than a man. She just understands that her man needs to feel like a hero when he travels through the vastness of her as yet unexplored universe.

A woman is ready to give a man energy so that he becomes involved with his attention to her person, to her interests. A woman gives energy, let me remind you, through her attention and feeling of love for a man.

With her love, he feels stronger and has the opportunity to grow in status in order to pass this status on to his woman (or mother).

As soon as a woman stops giving attention and love to a man, his growth in status stops. You can blame a man a lot for his lack of height and money, but the reason is a woman who does not give him love.

Find out what love is from the Sixth Secret:

6. Love is the desire to develop your partner. If your partner does not want your development, he does not love you.

Very often we hear the following statements: “Why do you need these books, trainings, seminars? Stay at home, take care of the children!”

What does the person saying this want to say? He asks to give him Attention.

If he receives a lot of Attention, but still continues to keep his partner in a “golden cage,” then he does not want growth and development for his loved one.

Why then are these people around?

Because it is beneficial for both of them to remain wounded children and play the role of their dissatisfied ancestors:

One is the victim, the other is the executioner. One is insignificance, the other is superior.

The one of the two who is in the position on top, in the position of superiority, is the more wounded, but hides this truth from himself. His strategy: in order not to feel your pain, you have to be cooler than others. Rising above the victims, I will not notice that I myself am as wretched as they are.

This strategy leads him to the decision not to give his partner the opportunity to develop, otherwise the partner will escape from his slavery.

He will wake up, see that the path to freedom is open and run away!

But growth cannot be stopped, and then slowly, little by little, through his role as an executioner, a tyrant, the partner begins to independently, within the created “golden cage,” pull out his wounded Inner children from his victim. The process is painful and it is contained in the Seventh Secret:

7. A man serves a woman with every action he takes, even negative ones: drunkenness, idleness, beatings. A man is a woman’s mirror, which reflects everything that she does not want to know about herself.

Even in the most difficult relationships, in so-called dysfunctional families, a man and a woman serve each other. They are a mirror of what they don’t want to admit in themselves.

Two people are always together as long as they have something to give each other. And perhaps they give each other pain, humiliation, suffering. But they don't separate. And there is only one reason: the history of our ancestors.

Two people repeat the story of their ancestors, showing their love not for a partner, but for an ancestor: a grandmother, great-grandfather, or a mother’s aborted child.

If you do not disagree with someone who does not develop you and makes you suffer, you, thanks to your tyrant, will gradually realize and extract from yourself those wounded Inner children who were created during the lives of your ancestors.

It’s a pity, but it’s true ... Thank the tyrant, because his family has the same stories as yours. That's why you are a couple.

Two people fight for love, but they can only win if they know the Eighth Secret:

8. In order for a man to defeat a woman, he needs to win the battle in her eyes, for a woman to defeat a man, she needs to lose to him.

The Taoists said: “A woman is wide, and a man is deep.”

This means that a woman feels good when she can open her soul wide, wide, and for this she needs to allow herself to trust the world, to accept it, not wanting change.

Such a state happens in the field when you lie on the grass and let in the sky, the sun, the air, the grass, the goosebumps and the sun. And all, all, all.

Feminine energy flows horizontally, it is like the Earth.

And male energy is vertical, and a man feels great when, towering like a strong tree, he penetrates deep into the ground with his roots.

A man feeds on female energy, as a tree feeds on the earth.

In a relationship, if a woman towers over a man, she feels a victory, but in the end she loses, because a tree under the ground means an earthquake.

At these moments, the woman shakes like mountains during tremors and she feels deeply hidden anxiety. With each victory over the tree men, anxiety grows and this causes fatigue. Victories are no longer pleasing, because no one has wanted to settle on this land for a long time.

There are always few inhabitants in the mountains, and they all ended up there for one reason: once upon a time their ancestors fled from mortal danger into these mountain gorges so that no one would find them there. So their descendants became highlanders. I am a mountaineer myself, so I can say this.

A woman who loses to a man is always a winner. Her energy is calm and flat. Many people join its territory and life becomes more and more diverse.

Such a woman has many friends and helpers, because she does not shake with her energy those who decide to approach her open spaces.

Now she is ready for new growth, which is revealed in the Ninth Secret:

9. A man dreams of turning his woman into a Queen, and a woman dreams of a ready-made King.

A woman is always looking for a Male Teacher who can help her know herself. Her boundless Universe needs a person who will not pass by its most diverse phenomena and can include all of its female states: Girl, Mistress, Lover and Queen.

Only the King is capable of this, and therefore she needs a strong man who has grown above his childhood fears and calmed the spirits of his ancestors.

And a man wants to be a woman’s creator, he is ready to create a Queen out of his woman himself, and that is why he so jealously listens to her words that she would like to learn somewhere, but not from him.

To turn a man into a King, a woman should give him royal attention and respectfully acknowledge his services to her.

For example: “Beloved, everything I have is only thanks to you. You give me everything that makes me happy! Thank you for having me! I want to give you even more love so that you can achieve your wonderful goals easier and faster. You are very strong and courageous! You are the King, next to whom everyone feels good and free! Please let me feel like a Queen not only in your presence, but also in the company of other women! Let everyone see what kind of me you have!”

The speech may be long or it may be short, but it must be based on the recognition of the happy woman to her King. Let him feel higher and stronger, but is a strong Sovereign afraid to give his citizens freedom?

He is the King, and a woman who creates in a man the state of a realized King is always happy and lives in harmony and abundance.

Every man understands this and in order to feel like a King, he must know the Tenth Secret:

10. A man must understand that his intonations affect a woman’s condition. After all, she loves with her ears. Therefore, a man must be able to love with his voice, taking care of his intonations.

A Strong Man, a King, is one who can understand a woman's feelings. Feelings are not words. They are like leaves in the wind. They are shaking from the strong wind.

An ordinary man does not even imagine that his words and intonations are the wind that can frighten a woman. A woman can be so scared that she will hide and deny a man attention.

And without her Attention, he stops growing in status.

Therefore, the King knows that the softer his voice, the faster his success.

The king gives warmth. The King is the Sun man, and the Queen is a flower enjoying the Sun and the gentle breeze that blows from his lips!

The petals of the flower exude aroma and spread the song of love around the world: “The man of my dreams is a man like you!”